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Snippets

  • Owen has started gagging himself for fun. Until he hurls. Definitely my favorite part of parenting to date.

  • At the dermatologist this morning (and about fucking time, don't you think, since I've had this miserable, disgusting rash on my hands for 20 months now? Although it was anti-climactic. Five minutes of "Yup, that's dishydrosis all right. Go ahead and use the jacked up steroids the NP gave you two weeks ago. That'll be 300 dollars, please." Good times) there was a man in the waiting room on his cell phone discussing test results which quite clearly contained some sort of STD diagnosis (I was guessing 70/30 herpes/genital warts), and trying to get the person on the other end of the phone to speculate as to whether his wife had been cheating on him. Hello, awkward public cell phone conversation. Perhaps you would like to get a room?

  • I spent naptime today trimming the tops of the trees in our front yard. By hanging out the second floor windows. With a very heavy 20-foot pole which I frequently had to hold and manipulate with one hand. It pushed my little girlie muscles to the very brink, but two months ago I wouldn't have been able to do it at all, so it was a nice reminder of why I am bothering with all this exercise crap. (Don't worry, Mia already lectured me about how unsafe that was. But it wasn't really. There were many times when I nearly dropped the pole, but there was never any chance of me falling out of the window.)

  • The open one pound bag of M&Ms in the pantry has been ruining my diet for three days. So I did the only logical thing and just ate the rest of them. I'm feeling a little ill, but at least I won't spend tomorrow shoving them by the fistful into my gaping maw.

  • Genetics is a quirky little branch of science, now isn't it? Mia, who is in most ways my three foot tall clone, is already deeply tan, just like her father. Owen, the spitting image of his father, is as albino white as I am. But we make it look hot.

  • (You know how you can hear everything that happens in the next room when you are at the doctor's office? I think it has to do with how the windows don't line up with the walls, so really the rooms are all open to each other. Well, the waiting room guy had Herpes 1. Cold sores. It wasn't related to the reason he was at the dermatologist, and also probably wasn't a sign that his wife had been cheating on him. He seemed a bit disappointed by that. I was too. Even though I was betting on herpes, I was really rooting for genital warts.)

  • Carrots, peas, corn, raisins, grapes, watermelon (I was as surprised as you). Things which pass almost entirely unchanged through the digestive tract of a baby/toddler. What'd I miss?

Comments (18)

"By hanging out the second floor windows."

Mia already did my work for me...but still....really? I mean really? quite a visual, but my mommy instincts want to scold you, but see the part about Mia again.

That was the only LOGICAL thing to do about the m&m's

People put their sunglasses on when I put shorts on. Even inside. Even in dim light. When I go OUTSIDE...they sometimes burst into flames if they look directly at my uncovered incandescent white outer covering.(sigh)

Ooohhhh... gagging until hurling. Fun times. And you're all like "what the HELL???? Who DOES that?" and even though the answer is: every known human child ever in existance, you're all like "what the HELL??? Who DOES that?"

It's a cycle that perpetuates until, oh, I don't know, I've heard it starts to peter out at age 25.

Y'know- my dentist told me that, if I HAD to eat candy, I'd be better to eat it all in one go than to spread it out through the day because it's easier on your teeth that way. So see? You did your diet AND your teeth a favor. Smart thinking!

I guess my kids skipped the gag til they hurl for fun, bit. Thank, god is all I can say. I don't deal well with hurl. Poop from head to toe doesn't phase me, but gagging, sound of hurling, smell of hurling = me hurling and mama will do anything to keep from hurling. I'd rather sell my hurling kid on EBAY than hurl. Just joking there... kinda.

Sesame seeds... You forgot those.

Quite the scientific outing. I'm disappointed you still have your rash. I thought for sure it was gone by now. Sorry to hear it stuck around.

Hanging out the 2nd story windows-brilliant!
I am sure the guys who charge hundred of dollars to do the same job with their fancy schmancy trimming equipment love you! LOL

If you ever want to sell your house that could be a selling feature. "and you can manicure the stately trees gracing your property by hanging out the 2nd story windows with a 20ft pole"

But how did you manage to get the pole up the stairs? Maybe you leaned against the outside of the window and grabbed from there? hmmmm

My son did (and still does occasionally) the gagging thing. But he no longer makes himself puke, thank goodness. I think it amuses him.

Also, I fully endorse your anti-diet-ruining plan for the M&Ms. I have employed that method myself many times. I think I convince myself that if I eat them all at once somehow my body won't be able to absorb all the calories before it passes through my system or something. Mmmm....denial. Tastes like m&ms. :)

Macaroni and cheese when consumed by Mr. I-Don't-Bother-To-Chew (aka #2 in my household). Also black beans and bell peppers.

sunflower seeds
black beans
garbanzo beans
cashews


And I would beg to differ about the raisins coming out unchanged. ours come out as reconstituted grapes. whole, giant grapes. not unlike the ones in canned fruit cocktail.

BTW, I never commented the other day... CONGRATS on the weight loss. Really. I can SO relate to the changing body shape, suffering in places that were never a problem before. I suddenly have my mother's abdomen. This makes me want to cry.

So your Owen is the second child I've heard of in the past DAY that does the hurling trick. The other is my boot camp teacher's 20 month old who proceeded to do it within 30 seconds of her dropping him off at the gym day care. She says he waits until he knows someone is watching and does it purely for attention. So glad I missed out on that one with my Owen.

I'm sorry, but the gagging until hurling totally cracked me up. My kids used to gag themselves too, but never to that point. But there was plenty of hurling at other times to make up for it.

Watermelon??? That one surprises me. Also, red construction paper. I found that in my son's diaper and freaked out because I thought it was blood. So, I rooted around in it until I found out exactly what it was.

Tomatoes. Or, at least, tomato skins.

Blueberries
Green Beans
Kiwi (primarily the seeds)

I always have to remind myself to think back and remember what my kid ate when I get a questionable diaper. The other night I changed him and his poop was neon green. My first reaction was "HOLY CRAP" (literally) and then I realized he ate an entire avocado for dinner the night before. Changing diapers is always an adventure. You never know what you're gonna get.

mandarin oranges & blueberries

Doctor's office observations had me laughing out loud! Oh, and the last bit? Blueberries, too remain unchanged, unless I insist that they be cut in half so that the molar-less toddler will be able to chew them up better. Sometimes she grabs them before they can be cut, though. She's quick! Related to that, blue slushies combined with the large amount of milk a toddler tends to consume results in BRIGHT GREEN POOP. Same with blue go-gurt. True story.

I'm new to your blog. I came via Judy at technicolor fairytale. I had to tell you that I laughed so hard at the M&Ms thing that I now have mascara running down my face.

I needed that. Thanks. :)

I employ your diet technique, too. The other is to put the offending candy in a bowl on the coffee table in front of the gamer hubby -- it's amazing how quickly mindless grazing will finish off a bowl full of M&Ms! Of course, once his fingers scrape the bottom of the bowl, he'll gaze at me with this look somewhere between shock and dismay and ask accusingly why I didn't stop him. Because the more you eat the less I will, m'dear. }:-)

as a fellow vegetarian mama...
black beans
edamame beans
hell, any kind of beans (we apparantly eat a lot of those)

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So the Fish Said...

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