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Pediatrician, by the numbers

Pounds gained in past year by child who does not eat: 7

Inches grown in past year by child who does not eat: 2

Pounds gained in past three months by child who does eat: 0

Inches grown in past three months by child who does eat: 0

Injections administered to screaming children: 6

Number of band-aids immediately removed from injection sites and eaten: 2

Number of specially-selected and purchased for the occasion princess and fairy band-aids applied: 4

Number of times the Hotty Pediatrician confessed his undying love in an unfortunate and embarrassing but also rather flattering manner: 0

Number of years it has taken for the Hotty Pediatrician to make actual eye contact with me on a somewhat regular basis: 4

Number of chemical-laden chocolate milkshakes the size of younger child's leg procured as food-is-love compensation for above-mentioned injections: 1

Number of times younger child has screamed Empty! More! after consuming his allotted three gulps of milkshake: 946

Number of strawberries placed on plates alongside chemical-laden french fries in an effort to pretend this is a healthy lunch: 5

Number of strawberries consumed: Who do I think I'm kidding?

Number of french fries this dieting Mommy has consumed so far: 0

Number of cold, ultimately disappointing and not worth it french fries I will likely cram into my mouth during naptime: 40

Comments (12)

Lola's reward the other day for her vaccs was a chemically-laden strawberry milkshake. And so it goes. (She's a non-eater, too, by the way that also somehow managed to grow, thank goodness).

Bummer about hotty pediatrician. You know, I'm thinking next time you're there you need to snap a cell phone photo so we can get an idea of just how hot he is.

I'm assuming based on the illogical eating to weight gain ratio trend that the consumptions of 2 band-aids resulted in weight gain?

I'm assuming based on the illogical eating to weight gain ratio trend that the consumptions of 2 band-aids resulted in weight gain?

I'm pretty sure that my children would both choose the strawberries over the french fries. They also usually refuse to eat meat, and would happily live on fruit only. Weird little children. :-)

ugh! shots suck. I hate shots.

If you're going to eat the fries, at least microwave them.

I am so smiling right now.

They EAT bandaids? That's a new one on me. My kid didn't even eat paste.

You know what's worse than having a hotty peditrician? Having a hottie gynecologist that you keep running into in the grocery store.

I think this proves that children don't actually need food. They run on kinetic energy instead.

Hottie Pediatrician - ugh, I feel for you. I have a Hottie Dentist. As he works his masked Hottie face right into my gaping mouth face, you can just feel the tension. Also? I love it when he puts his tools on my chest.

beth said: "Number of years it has taken for the Hotty Pediatrician to make actual eye contact with me on a somewhat regular basis: 4"

Thats progress. Who knows where things will end up by the time the kids are too old for the pediatrician.

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So the Fish Said...

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