Hello! I am wearing green underwear with white stripes today! I figured I may as well tell you, since everyone else in the world already knows, thanks to the gaping hole in the ass of my pants that Chris pointed out to me at 5:00 today. I wore black underwear yesterday, which I mention because I wore the same pants yesterday. I forget what underwear I wore on Sunday, but yup, I wore the same pants. I wore them several times last week too, and really there is no saying how long that hole has been there or how many people have been touring my daily underwear choices.
Faithful readers will realize that this is the third time in four years I have wandered brazenly around in public with the ass falling out of my pants. Do you think my ass is to blame? Do I have a Highly Destructive Ass in some way? I'm starting to wonder.
I've had these particular ass-less pants, and worn and washed them often, for four years, and they were cheap Old Navy pants, so it isn't like I didn't get my money's worth from them. But I had been wearing them so often lately because I only have two pairs of "everyday" pants that currently fit in an acceptable manner (some pants are too big, some too small) (ok, most are too small) and my other pants, which are a pair of severely fraying jeans, have developed A Smell. They smell like dirty laundry. Really dirty laundry. And they are clean! They smelled like that when they came out of the dryer. And I washed them again and thought it was better until I put them on and I lasted four minutes before I ripped them off my body and hurled them down to the basement for another round in the washer. The jury is still out on the latest attempt.
Clearly, I need some new pants. I am willing to buy new pants. I have nothing planned for tomorrow and know the way to the mall. However, in order to go shopping, I have to choose between ass-less pants and smelly pants. It is a very tough call.