More coherent sentences but no discernable point.

This morning, I noticed that I had raccoon eyes from yesterday’s mascara. I thought it was a little odd since I had washed my face last night and this morning, but whatever I’ll just wash it off. Turns out it was not mascara after all, just the bags under my eyes. Is Heroin Chic still in? Because if it is, baby I’ve got it going ON.

How can I have a closet (ok, several closets) full of clothes and still only have 6 summer tops that I can wear to work?

I had a business lunch yesterday and I carried the conversation for almost the entire time. I’m not usually the one who carries the conversation in these situations; I leave that to the peppy bubbly people. I’m usually the one who sits on the edge and answers direct questions or occasionally contributes a sarcastic comment or an unfunny joke. However, yesterday nobody else stepped up to the job and there is only so long that you can sit and listen to five people chew before you go batshit so I jumped in to save the day. After going around the table asking everyone probing questions like “So, how long is your commute?” and “So, where did you buy your shoes?” I think I lost it a little bit. I jumped up on the table and screamed “For the love of all that is holy, would you people please make a little effort to have more personality than a bunch of rocks!” That broke the ice and it was better after that. I have to meet with HR about it this afternoon, but I still think it was worth it.

I would like to take this opportunity to mention that you should all begin immediately to love and admire Casey. Since I am a detail-oriented person, at least according to my resume, I will give you three very good reasons for this. Number One: She promised to eat lunch with me in the cafeteria at Blogsville High School. Number Two: Even with the high level of crappiness in both our lives lately, she always manages to find the positive in the situation. This can be really annoying when you are trying to wallow in self-pity, but it is also an excellent quality and one that I am working to emulate. Number Three: She said that when I meet her boyfriend I can say “Hi, Sailor” to him.

Did I ever tell you about my sleep obsession? It seems relevant now since I’m not actually sleeping more than three hours a night. Occasionally I will have this dream, or something, that I’m sleeping wrong. I’ll wake up and become obsessed with the idea that however I have been sleeping is the incorrect way to do it and then will be unable to fall back asleep. If I do fall back asleep I’ll wake myself up again just to check whether or not I was doing it correctly. This does not make me a whack job, because clearly lately I have been sleeping wrong and it is causing me to wake up every morning at 1 AM on the dot and be unable to go back to sleep until 15 minutes before I’m supposed to get up and go to the gym. Anybody have any brilliant and wonderful ideas on how to stop this and actually sleep? Other than heavy drinking because, you know, that’s not the answer to anything and also I already tried it and it didn’t work.

Also, does anybody know which side your appendix is on? I’ve had this stomach slash side slash back pain for a couple weeks now, but it keeps moving around and switching sides. I’d like to know where, exactly, my appendix is so I can focus my psychosomatic symptoms there and have something concrete to obsess over.

Also also, gmail gave me more invites! I’m starting to hate gmail a little bit, and I’m also tired of looking at these sad and lonely and unused invites all day. So if you want one, let me know. Good complimenting of my cats yesterday, by the way. Today the price of an invite is you have to recommend a major and serious disease which could be the source of my phantom and portable stomach slash side slash back pain. Treatable diseases only please because otherwise you will make me cry. Not-enough-cute-shoe-itis would be a good one, for example.