Here's a link that might make you giggle.

http://www.expression.philips.com.br/artes/venc2003/obrasflash/rmello/o_incomodo.swf

where does a general keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES!

Why, I ranted about my car insurance just yesterday. Dunno if that will help you, but anyway....

Three men walked into a bar. One said ouch. :)

I have nothing funny to tell you - sorry. But, I can say that I know how you feel with the insurance company and the doctors. Seethe away, it will make you feel better.

Health Insurance companies don't cover anything to do with eating disorders. How nice is that?

one of my favorite jokes is here:
http://www.azzybee.com/archives/000215.php

there is a link to it (*.wmv file). hope it helps with a smile!

One for the insurance company: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it. Bwahaha.

And one for the doctor's office: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way! Bwahahahahahahaha some more.

Sorry its sucky, but I'm sure you at least look cute, right?

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left it.

HEEEEEE!

OK, so the armies/sleevies one? Genius. Heehee.

I was going to tell you a joke, but then I was seething with you. Now I am laughing, but my best jokes are not the same written out. Bear with me, though, eh? They're fishy jokes!

What do you call a fish with 10 eyes?

Fiiiiiiiiiish

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh

Confucious say:
"Man who farts in church,
Sits in own pew."

p.s.
I "borrowed" that LOL

"Have you heard about the new pirate movie?"
"It's rated aaarrrrrrrr."

I believe it is a written rule that all insurance companies must be stupid and all doctors must be incompetent. And also, vice versa.

Why do whores wear hoop earrings?

To put their ankles in.

Ok, that was out of line, sorry...it was the first joke that crossed my mind.

Okay -- who's buried in Grant's tomb?

Stupid -- I know... I was trying to think of a good punch line to include a doctor's office and an insurance company -- but couldn't quite hash it out...

Hm. Well, my doctor's office doesn't phone me back. And I'm annoyed at them. But also I'm a canuck and don't pay him so *Shrug*

Sorry these are a little late but maybe they'll pick you up a little today!

1. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've
lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The
first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"Sorry we don't serve food in here."

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the
road."

7 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the
bar tender here?

Hehe,
Keith

Okay, that's it! I'm stealing the jokes idea. With credit to you, of course. We ALL need these!

To continue where Keith left off...:

8. A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender says "Holy crap! Did you know we have a drink named after you?" The grasshopper replied "You have a drink named Maurice??"

9. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

10. A fried egg, a strip of bacon and 2 pieces of toast walk into a bar. The egg sits down and says "Barkeep. A round of drinks for me and my friends." To which the bartender replied "I'm sorry Sir, we don't serve breakfast here."

(Yes, yes, very similar to the sandwich joke)

Best Blonde Joke Ever:

A blonde is sitting in a row boat out in the middle of a corn field. Another blonde drives by the corn field, sees the blonde in the rowboat and stops her truck. She gets out and yells, "What are you doing?" The blonde in the rowboat says, "Uh duh...I'm rowing" The blonde from the road yells, "You know what? It's freakin' blondes like you that give the rest of us blondes bad names...and if I could swim, I'd swim out there and kick your ass!!"

heehee. My apologies to blondes who read this.

Ok, little late but here goes:

What did the fish say when he ran into the cement wall?

Dam!