January 07, 2005
Myrtle
So, yeah. A whole lot more people were interested in the mole on my head than I thought would be interested in the mole on my head, which proves either that my moles are deeply fascinating to the multitudes or you were all really bored yesterday. Anyway, after such an outpouring of concern and support and surprisingly no jokes at my expense (at least none that I got) I feel like I owe you an update.
First things first, I have decided to name the mole Myrtle because I like it and also because my love for Dawn is deep and unending and possibly inappropriate but she sent me a page-a-day cat calendar so she should have expected that. So Myrtle and I went to the doctor yesterday, and the doctor said that while Myrtle may possibly be planning a coup d’etat or some other such mischief, she is not malignant and therefore can stay or go at my discretion. The doctor than presented my options for Myrtle’s untimely demise. I can either go to my dermatologist who would apparently remove her with a melonballer, or some such contraption, or I could let the doctor just chop her off. The drawback of going to my dermatologist is that, while I love him for giving me magical zit potions that finally kicked the ass of my adult acne, he has the bedside manner of a trout and I try to avoid seeing him at all costs. The drawback of having it done by my doctor is that Myrtle may grow back, and if she did, I’m sure she would be almighty pissed.
So in the end, Myrtle and I left together to take some time to contemplate the lesser of two evils. We are going out for a nice dinner tonight, just us, to talk. Myrtle feels that we just don’t communicate anymore.
Posted by Beth at January 7, 2005 11:19 AMAt least there was no talk of shaving right? You two have fun at dinner tonight!
Posted by: JuJuBee at January 7, 2005 11:29 AMGood to know all is well. :)
Posted by: alektra at January 7, 2005 11:32 AMMyrtle works... and if it didn't? Its not like I sent you a cat calendar-- you can't compete with that.
I've had two moles extracted-- both by my doctor. I vote for going to the person who will wield the melon baller and the subsequent torch thingy with the most care. And then I'd go with whoever is hotter.
Posted by: bmh at January 7, 2005 11:43 AMYa' know - breakups are always tough for ALL involved...enjoy the last bit of time you have with her.
Posted by: Zoot at January 7, 2005 12:00 PMThat is totally whack.
:)
I'd avoid the trout. Maybe look for a referral ("Do you know any totally hot dermatologists in the area?")
Posted by: ben at January 7, 2005 12:04 PMMaybe she thinks ya'll don't talk anymore because she's a little concerned with the knowledge that you've put a contract out on her life? Just sayin'....
Posted by: Queen of Ass at January 7, 2005 12:12 PMI'm telling you, the answer lies with Uncle Buck.
Posted by: melman at January 7, 2005 12:16 PMMelon baller, huh? Please report back before I have Ernestine checked out.
Posted by: Kelley at January 7, 2005 01:15 PMSo glad to hear Myrtle is benign. Myrtle is definitely the more appropo name. You're probably too young to remember this but Myrtle reminds of me of the little girl Dodie on My 3 Sons who had a doll names Myrtle. Just one of the useless TV trivia facts I'll evidently always remember from my childhood. Can you tell I'm avoiding work?
Posted by: Kelly at January 7, 2005 01:27 PMbedside manner of a trout! OMG I just spit coke all over my monitor! lol
He must know my doctor. He told me last time I went in "You've gained 15 pounds, you better watch it."
Um WTF? For the record, I'd lost SEVEn pounds and his scale was wrong. lol Not that I needed to gain or lose any weight, am at healthy weight, so WHY IN GODS NAME WOULD HE SAME SOMETHING LIKE THAT? lol
Posted by: amy at January 7, 2005 02:04 PMPray tell, what exactly was the magic potion for adult acne? I really need a miracle here. Glad you and Myrtle are going to have a heart to heart.
Posted by: Jazzy at January 7, 2005 02:21 PMMyrtle owes you for even including her in the decision making process. It is, in fact, your body and your control! :-)
Good luck at dinner, and hopefully, Myrtle will see the need for a decision!
I just read in the Mayo Clinic quarterly that there is new research which says that patients with moles who eat a lot of chocolate have experienced up to 34% shrinkage in all skin growths. But you have to eat a. lot., so I don't know whether you would be willing to make that kind of sacrifice or not.
Posted by: Sheryl at January 7, 2005 02:37 PMGobnait. She's annoyed because you're calling her the wrong name. For a cat calendar. Tsk.
Posted by: Belgian waffle at January 7, 2005 03:35 PMbedside manner of a trout. *snorts*
Posted by: bella at January 7, 2005 05:44 PMHoney, you are talking to your mole. Are you feeling ok?
Posted by: Amber at January 7, 2005 05:59 PMit's good to talk these things out...just make sure you don't give her too much wine....I hear those moles can become quite hostile when intoxicated
Posted by: Casey at January 7, 2005 07:16 PMDamn freeloading mole. Until she gets a job and pays rent, you are the boss of her. While she's living under your roof, you make the rules.
(maybe if you upset her enough, she'll just run away....)
Posted by: donna at January 8, 2005 12:36 AMCan I have a whack at it?
Posted by: angela marie at January 8, 2005 07:20 PM[grin] Beth, you are your readers are all so funny I'm definitely coming back here for more!
Posted by: Lady_Meerkat at January 12, 2005 05:07 AM
