January 28, 2005
On god and glassware
Yesterday, Chris posted a question on his site as to whether or not it was ever appropriate to drink directly out of the one gallon bottle rather than using a glass. The answer to this question is no. However, the people who responded to Chris’s question were clearly confused and did not recognize that the answer to this question is no. What follows is the email conversation Chris and I had regarding this confusion and the serious implications of the underlying question.
Oh, this might be offensive. Sorry bout that.
From Chris
I don't think so. I just think they see no harm drinking beverages as god intended they be consumed.
From Beth
If god intended us to drink out of the bottle, he wouldn't have given us glassware.
From Chris
Matthew 13:3
"Sip thine sports drinks from their original vessels if thou art the solitary drinker. Offendeth not thine guests but encourage thine wife to getteth over it."
From Beth
John 3:11
"Wast thou raisedeth in a barn? Wast though raisedeth by wolves? He that doesth not decant thine sports drinks into appropriate glassware is an abomination and an affront to nature. Also, he who sipith sports drinks from their original vessels aggravates thine fat and cranky wifeth."
From Chris
Yolanda 24:28
"Protesteth not the nature of a man who drinketh from plastic. For it is not the vessel of the sports drink that matters. Nay, it is the vessel of man of greatest import."
Barney 3:29
"He who sippith of the vessel carved not of glass but of 25% post-consumer recycled plastic intends no affront to his wifeth. For she is neither rotund nor cranky. She is beautious in her splendor, being with child. Whilst her moods dost swing, there art more pressing concerns than drinks of sport."
From Beth
Howie 14:92
"He who drinkith from the bottle drinkith his own backwash."
Billy Bob 17:76
"He who hath a fat and cranky wife shall consider who hath gotten her into such mess in the place of the firsts, and shall make such small
accommodations as shall bring pleasure to said wife to insure the happiness of his home and maintaineth his headeth upon his shoulders."
Ralph 19:84
"The Lord hath revealed to his chosen people that upon his decree all people shall pour their chosen sports drinks into appropriate glassware before drinking always. Further, all people shall rinse said glassware and place it into the washer of dishes in an orderly and correct fashion. So sayeth the Lord."
Beth 1:27
“Dibs”
From Chris
Maryanne 3:452
"And Denzel strode into the kitchen to rinse his vessel. Upon its deposit in the dishwasher his cranky wife spoketh - 'arranged glassware properly, you have not, Denzel. For now I must rearrange all the dishes in the place to assure proper washing and ease my neuroses' Verily, Denzel gave up instead using no glassware for surely he would be wrong in his arrangement of such vessels."
Ginger 4:28
"And the Lord sayeth,be ye not a sheep and follow blindly. Be ye a leader, blazer of trails, leader of men, leonardo of the caprio. Reject the silly imbibing habits of mortals and drink direct from the font of sports beverages."
Charleton 3:3
"Soylent Green is people!"
Cactus 8:4
"Damnit, you called dibs"
From Beth
Gilligan 234:1
"Thou knowest full well that while thine wife doest have the annoying habit of rearranging the washer of dishes, thine wife generally doest politely refrain from mentioning such rearrangement and rather quietly rearranges the washer of dishes to accommodate her own neuroses."
Professor 2:1231432
"If thou choosest to be a leader, thou shouldst not be a leader in drinking from the vessel of the sports drinks but rather be a leader in picking up thine own socks from the bedroom floor."
Kingsmen 1:32
"Louie Louie [unintelligible]"
Beth 6:6
"She who hath the dibs, hath also the power."
From Chris
Thurston 4:54
"And the Lord said drink. Drink of my blood and my malted beverages.
Drink straight from that tap of all that is good and holy. Drink thine 40, drink from its paper bag the color of the desert. Use no other vessel but the vessel in which it came."
I lost it at "dibs"
Posted by: y at January 28, 2005 10:38 AMHA! You guys are too funny, but I'm with you on the whole drinking out of the carton thing.
Posted by: Oliquig at January 28, 2005 10:40 AMThere is no way that you two are like this *all* the time. You are a riot! Beth, I'm right there with you on making sure the dishes are properly loaded into the dishwasher. I am guilty of rearranging all the time....there's a *right* way to do it that ensures clean, sanitized ware. Maybe post a diagram inside the door for, ahem, those who are dishwasher savvy challenged?
Posted by: lu at January 28, 2005 10:48 AMIt's nice to know that I'm not the only one who rearranges the dishwasher for optimum dish cleaning capacity!
Posted by: Paulette at January 28, 2005 10:51 AMBeing the daughter of a preacher, my guess it that Chris has spent more time pouring over the 'Good Book' than she who is with child. :)
Posted by: Amber at January 28, 2005 10:53 AMIs there like a class? A class for learning to talk bible-ese? I must take said class.
Posted by: JuJuBee at January 28, 2005 10:57 AMWhen the baby is born, you won't even notice that he exhibits his god-given right to drink straight out of the container. :wink:
The girl with the white socks is siding with Chris on this one-- and she realizes that this seriously undermines her credibility on this and all future topics.
Today: flat-ironed hair; contact lenses; blue jeans (casual Friday); black t-shirt; pink and hotpink striped socks; black shoes (which are kind of like penny loafers and kind of not. They are cute).
Posted by: Jenorama at January 28, 2005 11:02 AMHee! And I totally rearrange the dishwasher too.
Posted by: HG at January 28, 2005 11:03 AMi am right there with you Beth... i told him it was wrong wrong terribly wrong to drink straight out of the container. it makes no difference if he is the sole drinker. it's just barbaric.
and i'm another dishwasher rearranger-er.
Posted by: monique at January 28, 2005 11:11 AMThat is *THE* funniest thing I've read so far this week! Everyone should be lucky enough to have a marriage like yours.
Posted by: Kristie at January 28, 2005 11:18 AMSolitary cube girl, giggling helplessly at her computer screen. Nice. By this afternoon, their suspicions will be confirmed..she's lost it. Thanks for the help.
Posted by: Amy at January 28, 2005 11:29 AMThine words hath caused me to spew coffee upon mine monitor whilst tears pour down mine face.
Posted by: Wendy at January 28, 2005 11:32 AMThat was hilarious. :) Back wash is nasty period. Unless it's one of those small bottled sport drinks, that are obviously meant to be finished by one person, drinking out of the container is just gross. And dishwasher efficiency is important. The more dishes you can get in and cleaned the better. :)
Posted by: groovebunny at January 28, 2005 11:40 AMKiss not he that drinketh his own back wash for his germs hast doubleth.
Posted by: ms.quilty at January 28, 2005 12:04 PMUm, my husband and I both drink from the container when we think the other isn't looking. Or it's the last gulp. We're so nasty....
Posted by: myllissa at January 28, 2005 12:13 PMYou too are far more clever than the boyfriend and I in our emails. Sometimes he'll just email me "Poo", and it makes me giggle. We need to take a class or something.
Posted by: Heather at January 28, 2005 12:40 PMUm, yeah. That really should have been "You two...". I promise I'm not really that challenged. I went to a fancy university and everything. :)
Posted by: Heather at January 28, 2005 12:41 PMHa! That's hilarious. Beautiful stuff - and I'm totally with you on the dishwasher if not the drinking from the bottle. I'm trying to convince my brother and fiance' that you have to at lesat load from the back. grrr
Posted by: Autumn at January 28, 2005 12:46 PMVery clever! You guys are so funny.
Posted by: Milly at January 28, 2005 01:04 PMEvery now and then you come upon a post that makes you giggle with such glee that you pee in your pants a little. This was that post. Thanks alot!
Posted by: Jenny at January 28, 2005 01:12 PMI have to admit, I sided with Chris on the drinking from the bottle question. But I'm with you on rearranging the glassware. I try to do it quietly so as to not discourage my husband from doing the dishes. But dammit, there is an order to the dishwasher that must be respected!
Posted by: bad penguin at January 28, 2005 01:25 PMMe thinkist you both doth have too much time on youst hands....much to mine amusement
Posted by: Casey at January 28, 2005 01:39 PMOMG - have you two been spying at my house? I swear my husband and I have this fight..er discussion all of the time. I too rearrange the dishwasher although I have to draw the line at refolding the linen closet. :-)
Posted by: Sue at January 28, 2005 01:46 PMI feel like I just read a play.
The Charlton quote was classic!
By the way, this is clearly a gender question.
Posted by: melman at January 28, 2005 02:05 PMSeriously people, I am sitting in my office trying not to laugh out loud because nothing I am working on is worthy of laughter and they'd know I was up to no good. I'm supressing my laughter so hard that I have tears streaming down my face. My boss just walked by and he took a look at me and quickly disappeared for fear I'd tell him some sad, depressing news. All I have to say is BLESS YOU! TGIF! Have a great weekend.
Posted by: Swt GA HunnyB at January 28, 2005 02:13 PMHee hee that is too funny.
Posted by: Sheryl at January 28, 2005 02:53 PMI, too, was a closet dishwasher rearranger. When we moved to the apartment with no dishwasher, I thought those days were over. No. Now I'm a dishrack rearranger to find the best use of space and therefore avoid hand-drying as much as possible.
And for some reason, I was convinced in was milk...
Posted by: SpaceCase at January 28, 2005 03:08 PMOh man... too funny. Good job getting dibs.
Posted by: Mary Jo at January 28, 2005 03:58 PMI seriously never knew there could be people as weird as me and my honey. It's fun, fucktarded, and a laugh riot, but dammit! IT'S OUR LIVES!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at January 28, 2005 04:01 PMwas all this before or after Samson got his mullet cut off?
Posted by: zan at January 28, 2005 04:36 PMThe 10 Commandments of Drinking from the Jug:
1. If nobody sees you drinking from the jug then it didn't really happen.
2. Thou mayst drink from the jug if there isn't a clean glass.
3. Thou mayst drink from the jug if thou intend on drinking the entire contents of the jug.
4. Thou may not backwash.
5. If nobody sees you drinking from the jug then it didn't really happen.
6.Thou may not drink from the jug if thou hasn't brushed his teeth.
7. Thou may not drink from the jug if thou has a cold, cough, or communicabale disease.
8. If nobody sees you drinking from the jug then it didn't really happen.
9. Thou may not drink from the jug if thou is drunk (this increases the risk of backwash and other chunky foreign bodies getting into the jug).
10. Thou mayst drink from the jug if nobody else in the house is going to drink the contents of the jug.
And did I mention, if nobody sees you drinking from the jug then it didn't really happen. When David asks me if I drank his ginger ale out of the container, I usually say no (I lied).
7.
Laughing my big fat ass off! That was hilarious.
Posted by: Jazzy at January 28, 2005 05:30 PMYou guys crack me up!! I agree with you though...as if a sane person would ever disagree with a pregnant woman LOL!
Posted by: Nina at January 28, 2005 09:16 PM"Drink of my... malted beverages"... HAAAAA!!! HeeheeheeHEE! (so sayeth moi.)
Posted by: Anne A. at January 28, 2005 09:37 PMNot only do I rearrange the dishwasher, I get upset when hubby does not correctly arrange groceries on the conveyor belt at the market. Cans with cans, frozen with frozen, etc. So I sympathize with your case of arrangement neuroses.
I think I may have a possible solution for you guys... Just buy those little single drinks that come in the four pack, or six pack, or whatever it is. That way you can pour it into a glass or drink it out of the carton. All is acceptable with single serving beverages. Just a thought.
Posted by: Gweny at January 28, 2005 10:19 PMMen are gross! And you guys are hilarious. =P
Posted by: Jennie at January 28, 2005 10:41 PMBut you've gotta be with me on this: Drinking from the bottle makes it that much more convenient to then use the empty as a spitter.
Posted by: Patrick at January 29, 2005 12:21 PMYou two doth rock... I wish someone would teach me how to optimize my dishwasher...
Posted by: Sabine at January 29, 2005 12:55 PMOh my God, I just snort-laughed so loudly at "Soylent Green is people" that I woke the baby.
Posted by: Mary at January 29, 2005 04:19 PMI am so loving that you got dibs on this one! This is good fodder!
Posted by: Gypsy at January 30, 2005 12:58 AMNo wonder I keep coming back here. *roflmao*
Posted by: Iki at January 31, 2005 09:57 AM
