February 10, 2005
Februarium: Day 1
Coleen threw down the gauntlet. And I tripped over it and landed on my ass and decided I had better agree to participate in Februarium 2 before I did myself any further damage. The challenge is to write five posts about love over the next five days on topics specially selected by our lovely hostess. At the risk of making you all gag uncontrollably by writing letters to my unborn child two days in a row, I hereby present my effort at:
Februarium Day 1: Who you love
This is a letter to anyone. Or no one in particular.
Dear Lima Bean,
I was not prepared to love you, at least not now. I expected to love you later. I had this fully developed fantasy where they placed you in my arms and your father put his hand on the top of your head and you opened your eyes and bam, I was madly in love with you forever. Or maybe it wouldn’t be that way. Maybe I would be too tired and overwhelmed and would miss the moment. Maybe it would happen that first night when you were lying beside me and started to cry and I picked you up and you stopped crying, not because I had done anything but just because you recognized me and were comforted. That would have done it too – instant and total love. I’m sure I will love you at both those times, but it won’t be the first time.
I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know when loving the idea of you turned into loving you. I was not prepared for it. I was not prepared for you to change from a clump of cells and an idea into our child. I wasn’t ready for you to go from being a baby to being my baby. I was shocked when you stopped being a theoretical creature composed halfway of me and halfway of the man that I love and became your own being. I wasn’t ready for this to happen so soon, but there is no going back.
I love you with all of my heart. I spend every minute of every day thinking about you and hoping that you are alright and trying as hard as I can to do all the right things for you. I promise you that in the midst of all the craziness and uncertainty that I am bringing you into, you will always, always know that your mother loves you. I can’t wait to meet you.
Love,
Mom
Perfect Beth, and so real.
Posted by: zeno at February 10, 2005 11:52 AMI have to stop reading your blog at work.
Or buy waterproof mascara.
You're killing me.
Posted by: Jenorama at February 10, 2005 12:06 PMYou made me cry too! That was so wonderful. You will be a great mom.
Posted by: Angela at February 10, 2005 12:31 PMAwwww.
Save that one for the baby book.
Posted by: erin at February 10, 2005 12:42 PMSpoken like a true first time pregnant woman ;)
Totally kidding, it was beautiful. It's amazing how much they change everything, forever. You think you're in love now? You aint seen nothing yet! (Yes, aint) It gets better and better and better :) And you're gonna be a kick ass Mom!
Posted by: RockStar Mommy at February 10, 2005 12:43 PMAHHH YOU'RE SUCH A HOT awesome mommy!
Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at February 10, 2005 01:40 PMI agree. That's a baby book insert, sister. I love it. And I love you!
Posted by: Coleen at February 10, 2005 01:58 PMLima Bean is going to be a lucky kid.
Posted by: smartjuice at February 10, 2005 02:00 PMAwwwww! What a wonderful Mom! In addition to loving her...You'll find yourself "falling in love" with little Lima Bean over and over again from now until...well - probably forever.
Posted by: Kelly at February 10, 2005 02:03 PMHEY! That isn't about a lima bean, that's about a baby! You tricked us. :)
Posted by: Jon in Michigan at February 10, 2005 02:39 PMAwwwww.
You write as many of these as you like. If someone has a problem with it, send them to me.
Posted by: Dawnie at February 10, 2005 02:39 PMabsolutely beautiful.
Posted by: sarah at February 10, 2005 03:17 PMI'm crying at work, luckily it's not unlike preggo me to be crying at work. What a lovely letter.
Posted by: Kimmer at February 10, 2005 03:45 PMSuddenly I feel like hugging everyone.
If I get arrested, you have to bail me out because it's all your fault!
That was cool Beth.
*sniff* These need to come with Kleenex warnings. So sweet. I'm not a mommy, but I have a better understanding of what it must be like. I can't wait to see your other entries this week!
Posted by: SpaceCase at February 10, 2005 04:06 PMAck, going into diabetic coma, too sweet too sweet
Posted by: Jeff A at February 10, 2005 04:34 PMFuck! You're, like, making me tear up at work. That's not fair. I love you too Lima Bean. And please ignore the fact that I just said "fuck" - its not a nice word.
Posted by: Chris (you know, your husband) at February 10, 2005 04:38 PMHard to believe that will happen to you till it does.
Posted by: cassie-b at February 10, 2005 05:03 PMAw, I wrote about my future child too, but I'm not even pregnant. I like yours better. Such a nice entry.
Posted by: Maxwell at February 10, 2005 06:12 PMoh geez. i can't tell if i'm crying because of my hormones or because of what you wrote. or because i'm making hamburgers with onions.
Posted by: kat at February 10, 2005 06:44 PMI stumbled on your blog and am so glad I did - you are one week further along than I am and it's so reassuring to readthat I am not the only one with zits, and fetus love and bloatiness.
I look forward to following your path...
Posted by: Kristin at February 10, 2005 09:10 PMso wonderful, Beth. I'm still so happy for you, Chris, and Lima Bean. You can blog about Lima Bean EVERYDAY, you know - we won't complain.
Posted by: samantha at February 11, 2005 12:15 AMI'm all about the pregnancy posts --it's some sort of living vicariously thing I'm sure. This one was wonderful.
Posted by: bad penguin at February 11, 2005 02:56 PMAwww that is truly such a beautiful post. :) I'm sure you love your little bub with all your heart now, but just wait til you get a chance to smell your baby! I'm not talking about with poop filled diapers, I'm talking about the skin. Baby skin is one of the most beautful smells ever. I was the same way so in love with my little guy during my pregnancy, but when he was born and screaming at the world, the doc lay him down by my face. When I said hello to him, he stopped screaming, turned his head to me and opened his eyes to look at me. The nurses and doctors were laughing because he didn't make a peep the whole time I talked to him. :) That was the moment I fell in love even more completely with him. And you know what? You'll fall even more and more in love with your baby everyday.
Posted by: groovebunny at February 11, 2005 05:25 PMOkay, you win. I'm crying.
Posted by: Claire at February 13, 2005 05:28 PM
